Love After Life

This morning I was going to listen to our "theme song", something Irene directed me to a few months ago - "Forever and For Always", but when I clicked on it to play it skipped to another song. When it started I thought it was "Beat It", by Michael Jackson (they both start on the same long musical note), so I had my finger on the mouse to go back and play Forever and For Always. Irene stopped me and said "I'm playing this song for you, listen to it." So I let it play. This i s what she played: The emotion it sent through me was overwhelming. I was literally tingling/vibrating head to foot for several minutes after it played and after I calmed down. I was trying to figure out what that emotion was and couldn't think of a word for it, but I came up with this: "The emotion you feel when something you hope for and dream about is confirmed as true in your heart." Here are the lyrics: Treated me kind Sweet destiny...

Here's my two cents worth on the subject of whether or not something is a sign from our loved ones. If you experience something that makes you think it might be a sign from a loved one letting you know they are with you and love you, instead of letting fear (of being wrong) and doubt trouble you, simply make a decision one way or another, but do so in a way that makes either decision help you out in your desire for better contact and communication with the other side. Anything anyone experiences with regard to afterlife communication and contact could have other explanations, even if highly implausible. Afterlife entities usually work through some sort of physical medium in this world - sounds that already exist, animals, light, etc. and arrange or manipulate those things to make contact.  Often it is nothing more than what could be a very unlikely coincidence or string of coincidences. The point here is that most of us are not scientists or attempting to scientifically and obj...

I've had a couple more of those strong connection sensations today.  It is so sweet and transcendent - an emotion or sensation there is no word for.  I remember getting this sensation before and it was very confusing because it caused some sorrow at the same time, I remember writing here that I felt it was because it was Irene and her presence generated the sorrow of missing her. Now, this sensory, vibrational quality of her presence "touching" me, or going through me, isn't bringing up any sadness, just this very unique and comforting feeling that affects me throughout. I posted the rough draft of the book on the blog today so that people who come here looking for relief from their grief will at least be able to read how it happened for me. As I read back through the book, and in doing so referred back to some prior posts, I find so utterly unbelievable that I can really, actually feel this way.  It's like our relationship never stopped being this good - as...

Yesterday I had a little trouble with my mental discipline - ate a little too much, smoked more than two cigarettes - but after a good talk with Irene last night I'm back on track today.  I had another blissful meditation this morning, and it's like getting a concentrated shot of Irene for the day.  It's really incredible.  Had another one just like it in the early afternoon and had to lay down and attempt to astral project due to the totally buzzed feeling.  I didn't astral project, but I did have a good nap. I was surprised by how much I was able to work today.  I remember that before when I went even an hour concentrating on work I'd find myself starting to panic because I hadn't been thinking of Irene. Today I was able to put quite a bit of continuous time at a sitting between walking the dogs and doing my light exercises.  One of my exercises is walking up and down our stairs five round-trips and I started imagining each trip up as a trip up to the ...

Yesterday I went out around 5:30 to smoke my 2nd cigarette of the day.  The air was really warm - I think it got up around 95 during the day, but weirdly I actually enjoyed it.  Maybe it's because I have the AC in the house set at 70.  Usually, though, that just makes me dislike the warm air all the more. It felt great, though.  I lit up and started talking to Irene and when I drew in the last of the cigarette, I realized something about restraint and moderation ; controlling how much you do a thing has a great impact on how much you can enjoy it and how that enjoyment is incorporated into your life.  I used to smoke many years ago and gave it up entirely until a couple of weeks ago when I started and then began enforcing a two-a-day strict limit.  Back then, I was a chain smoker, smoking sometimes up to four packs of ultra-lights  a day .  I got into the habit of smoking while I worked on the computer and then while I played games on the comput...

This morning I felt awful physically.  I must have had a bug or something.  Mentally I was pretty much completely apathetic.  I did my morning prayers and attempted to meditate, but couldn't do anything but think about work so I took a couple of antihistamines and went back to bed. I woke up and still didn't feel very good, so I just told myself to be disciplined, don't do anything stupid  like eat too much or start going down memory lane or smoke more than allowed.  I remembered that some days my job is to just not do anything self-destructive.  I stayed disciplined and slowly got to feeling better and better. At around noon I was able to start working and shortly thereafter was able to meditate. Irene or Thomas have been telling me to get back to writing on my book, which I've paused doing because I didn't feel well either emotionally or physically.  I've had a couple of weird encounters with a squirrel in my yard - I don't know what that's abou...

I was originally writing this in the Afterlife Topics Facebook group in response to someone asking if people had ever had the departed use music to contact them, but then what happened while I was writing it makes it something I need to document here. As readers of this blog know, Irene often uses music to let me know how she's here and how she feels about me. I have 200+ songs in my system and let them random play when I listen to music. The first time she used music was after a couple of songs played that I thought were odd because they were both songs she liked to listen to with me, so I said "Okay, babe, if that's you, play our Shania Twain song next" , and it was the next song that played: "You're Still The One". The next time a song just popped into my head I really had no reason to think of - "I Can't Wait," by Nu Shooz. It kept playing like a soundtrack in my head every morning when I woke up. That started a whole chain of ev...

This is hilarious and amazing.  So if you have been following, a few days ago while meditation and visualizing Irene, she said ""Well let me introduce you to your spirit guide, Thomas." That was so odd it jumped out at me and I stopped meditating.  I asked for confirmation and got what I thought was an okay confirmation, but not spectacular or all that convincing at the time.  So since then when I talk to my spirit guide (rarely) I refer to him as "Thomas, if that is indeed your name, seeing as you won't provide a good confirmation." It's kind of how I joke around with him. Now, I've got a cell phone, but I hardly ever use it.  When I do I usually have all kinds of spam texts and voice messages I have to delete.  Today I was going to call my friend up to see if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow and I had about 20 unread text messages, which I usually delete without even looking at.  Mostly they are just charge notifications from my bank. One sta...

I'm remembering more of what I dream now, which is part of my intentions.  The dream I had before waking this morning didn't mean anything to me, but at least I did remember some of it when I woke. I'm in the process of doing the AREI Self-Guided Afterlife Connection to see if I can get anything out of it, and also it's another thing I can do to "make real" my intention of increasing my communication with Irene.  This morning I read some materials in that process that confirmed several things I had come to believe about what I've been experiencing. First and foremost, it confirmed the difference between things I deliberately imagine and things that just pop into my mind on their own. There is a big difference in those experiences, and the material confirms that the experiences I have of things just popping into my head does indeed come from outside of my imagination. These are things Irene, other loved ones or my spirit guides put into my head for m...

Yesterday morning I had two good meditations, but I've still felt this heavy chest sensation at times, like emotional pain waiting to happen.  It came up as a kind of panic attack in the afternoon, after which I asked the spirit team for some encouragement and in my mind I thought that I'd like to get something from the TV, like her name or something to give me assurance.  I calmed down rather quickly, made some lunch and I decided to watch Dark Matter and, in an interesting plot twist, the maker of the ship's android had made the android in her image to house her consciousness. The android maker's name was Irena.  I immediately validated and thanked Irene and the spirit team for the quick encouragement! This morning I woke up feeling great.  Gerra and I had a long discussion about all sorts of topics, including her mom, life after death, what we come here to learn, etc.  We watched Astral City - it was okay, but it didn't particularly resonate with me.  ...

8:25 a.m. I just posted in the FB grief support group a message reflecting what I've been doing the past couple of days.  Part of that post was about my envisioning session last night where I envisioned myself visiting Irene. I wrote in the group that Irene had shown me our house over there and that nothing was ever lost or destroyed, that we could recreate anything from our life here to our home there. I wrote that she showed me some of what she had added to our home there from our life here.  I also wrote that she told me that we could pursue any of our heartfelt desires there - creative arts & crafts, learning, adventures, etc. When I was done writing the post I felt very good about it, but before I posted it I went to use the bathroom and asked Irene if she thought it was a good post and if she was okay with it.  I walked into the kitchen and saw a couple of things lying on the floor in front of the refrigerator; one was a colored piece of paper cut out in the ...

A week or so ago I moved everything of any kind of value downstairs - so I could stop air-conditioning it - since I never have a reason to go up there anymore and none of the kids ever spend the night up there There's plenty of room downstairs. I moved the stereo into my office and set it up this morning so Irene and I could listen to her country oldies at noon. I turned it on to make sure everything worked and put it on her station to see if the remote worked while I sat at my desk. After I got everything working I asked Irene to play the next song, and it was one I never heard before by Kane Brown, "What Ifs", and the chorus lyrics jumped all over me: "What if I was made for you and you were made for me, what if this is it, what if it's meant to be..."   Irene always told me that God made me just for her and that we were meant to be - she said that exactly, so many times I can't count. She even wrote it down in her journal after we met. I can alway...

8:00 a.m. So, after writing up this whole post about how I'm going to refine my technique and set up a schedule, I just did a visualization meditation where I visualize interacting with Irene and she let me know I'm overthinking it again.  I'm always trying to fix things that aren't really broken, always trying to improve things that are really working just fine.  Just let go of expectations and do what feels right. 3:00 pm. I think the summer heat and humidity is really doing a number on me - it does every year.  I am really messed up today. I've been battling fear and doubt and confusion all day long.  I don't understand these emotions or where they come from.  I'm thinking all sorts of things that have never even entered my mind before - negative and hurtful things.  I've already meditated sitting and lying down several times just to try and get a handle on it.  It's weird because it's nowhere near as hot today outside - I should be better...

Busy day of running errands, visitors, phone calls, etc.  Got in my full prayer session, 1 meditation and attempted astral travel when I went to bed.  A quiet day overall, but I’m impressed with my ability to get through a day like this without a descent into grief, although I did have some sadness.  Due to a conversation with a good friend who has been reading the blog I decided to go back and fill in the signs and messages that I have left out.  I haven’t felt any real pull against it and he said he liked reading about them.  He suffered the loss of a child a few years ago, and he and Irene were good friends and I know her passing hit him hard too.  Anyway, not filling in those events was just a precaution at the time because of something I read about those things supposedly being private, but I think they might do some good if others read about them. During the day a couple of ministers came by and left some materials, and one remarked about the...

My meditations are really getting deep and good.  I mean, really good.  There is this indescribable sensation now that I get regularly … it’s like a hum my whole body feels that is peaceful, but centered in my head.  I enjoy it a lot, making it easy to meditate often.  I’m finding it easier to quiet my mind quickly because I know this sensation awaits. There’s also a kind of anticipatory building sensation, as if the hum is building towards something really, really good.  This morning Irene was in my dream, but I forgot what it was about and what she was doing. I know it was only for a second, though. I was reading the Zammit Afterlife forum and in it there was some talk about how much the afterlife resembled life here – houses, gardens, etc., and I remembered another source saying there were jobs, industry , etc. Then I noticed there was an ad in my news stream for dresses and one dress was really great so I got excited and told Irene to look and clicked o...

Every single day after my wife passed on April 11 of this year, I've made her coffee the way she likes it as usual and set it on the coffee table where I used to, and I sit where I have always, next to her - where I believe she sits, with me. At the end of the day, when I go to take her cup, there has been a white drawing in her coffee - the same drawing every single day up until about 5 days ago.  I posted a picture and made a note of in on my Facebook account on June 11, I think About 5 days ago I told her that if she didn't want me to make her coffee anymore, stop drawing in it. I think somewhere in my mind I had subconsciously attributed the drawing to natural causes, because it was the same drawing every day. It looked like a blooming flower to me. I didn't for a moment think it would stop. At the end of the day, there was no drawing. Nothing. Just a cup of coffee. My jaw dropped and I instantly realized that I didn't for a second seriously think the phenomena...

What a great morning!  I did morning prayers, then worked some, took care of the pets and then had a great meditation with Irene. I was posting some of these entries into the blog this morning and realized that a whole month ago I had already discovered that I should meditate and affirm with “we” and “us”, that it is something we do better and are more effective when we do it together, and it had been validated twice that day … and then somehow over the course of events I totally forgot! Unbelievable. I realize I do need to read back over my journal entries to refresh my memory about what has happened and what I’ve already learned .  It seems my mind works to keep these things from me – I guess to try to maintain my “status quo” of being involved in physical world activities. It’s a cognitive bias that seems to disallow or push aside anything that challenges or changes the way things are in my mind, current patterns and habits. Reading back I am struck by the remarkab...

I joined a new Facebook group either yesterday or the day before on the afterlife and found out it was basically run by Victor Zammit (see link in the sidebar)!  I’ve been reading and referring to his website for years in online debates at various sites, and referring friends and family to it. I put a post in and got a LOT of positive and helpful response.  I had a great session this morning and came in really close contact with Irene which triggered a very, very happy emotional reaction.  I think I’m going to be able to use some of the information and suggestions from the “ AFTERLIFE RESEARCH AND EDUCATION DISCUSSION ” Facebook group to help us on our journey. I do need to do a better job of emptying my mind when I meditate, but I feel great so far today.  Had one really weird attack of sadness for about two minutes, then it was completely gone. Made some food while listening to “I Can’t Wait” and talking with Irene.  I watched a TV show while eating ...

Last night I realized I needed to change some of my habits when I fall asleep. I need to give more time to “falling” asleep so I can spend some quiet time talking with and listening to Irene as I fall off to sleep.  That was always one of our favorite times to talk, but I think I’ve been afraid of provoking sorrow before going to sleep.  Last night I fell asleep talking to her and it wasn’t bad at all – a little sadness at the start, but soon I had that semi-conscious sensation and it was really pleasant talking to her as I drifted off. Another thing that I’ve been thinking about for a couple of weeks now – and trying out – is to find things to talk with her about.  New things.  I don’t want our discussions to be so centered around me and my needs and whatever it is I’m feeling, but more about fun things, happy things, the future, the children, grandchildren and our great-grandchild, what our lives will be like in the afterlife, what we’re going to do, what she’...

During my session this morning I saw this swirling light as if it was a moon and dark clouds were rotating around it, partially covering it up. It lasted a full minute or two.  Easily envisioned Irene curled up with me on the couch, she gave me a kiss which popped a big smile on my face.  I feel really good this morning. Wow. I was just listening to Eben Alexander’s account of his NDE [see the link in the sidebar "A Neurosurgeon's Journey through the Afterlife"]  and he talked about seeing a “slowly spinning white light”.  That’s the first time I’ve ever heard an NDEer say the light was spinning – the light I saw earlier was more like moonlight, but it wasn’t anything like anything I’ve ever seen before when meditating.  By the way, when I meditate I see all kinds of stuff – moving forms and blobs, what looks like the outlines of some kind of architecture, patterns, things that I’ve always thought were probably “floaters” in my eye, etc – stuff that’s not i...