Love After Life

As I wrote in an earlier blog, my daughter coming to live with me brought in some serious challenges for me to have to deal with mentally, and it went beyond the initial emotional vibration.  It felt like I was being pushed out of my current dimensional structure and it was rather unsettling.  The first thing I needed to do was take responsibility and take command instead of simply reacting and trying to sort out and deal with my reactions.  I assigned my daughter's issues to "spirit" - I could only do what I could do for her, which did not include solving her lifelong problems.  She had a safe place to live, food, etc.  The rest was up to her and her spirit team. Second, I began affirmations that all of this was ultimate in our (Irene's and my) benefit. Third, I knew that to keep on vibratory track with what Irene and I were doing, I'd have to keep doing full-lotus position meditation along with visualizations to keep from being emotionally dragged into my daug...

First-Person Experiential Research: Using Hypnagogic States as Bridging Dimensions For Afterlife Interaction For the record, I have a theory of mind and multidimensional existence that I use as the foundation of my personal experimentation. It's "scientific" in the sense that my experimentation is designed along the lines of "If my concept of of mind works, then I should be able to do X and see positive, corresponding results." I've been doing hypnagogic state exploration to be with Irene for many months (if not over a year now), and that process (which begins with the prayer, intention and visualization) is what delivered the unexpected full astral projection visitation I had with her. That experience is what motivated me to pursue this particular line of investigation. However, those semi-conscious hypnagogic visualizations prior to the astral projection, and up until recently, seemed to be utterly random and never included Irene, and if I pulle...

Since I haven't had any more inclination (thank God!) to write about the whole "model of reality" thing (after making it clear I wasn't going to be a willing participant), this morning I tried something new in terms of "automatic writing".   Well, it's not really "new" for me because this is another thing I realize I've done my whole life; thought about a subject I wanted to have clarified in my mind, and then start talking to myself out loud as if I'm explaining it to myself.  Virtually all the information I have acquired over the years has been verified or at least repeated from other sources - some established before my acquisition of the information, some after, but always from sources I had not even heard of up to that point. When my wife started reading materials from Abraham-Hicks, she would often tell me that they A-H was saying the same thing, advocating the use of the same principles that Irene and I were already using ...

Lately I've been so connected to Irene, I feel little urge to meditate near as much, and little urge to use the affirmations that helped us get to this point. We were talking about this the past couple of days.  There was an analogy I used a long time ago that popped in my head. If you have a desire to go to and live on the moon, the pathway there might first start with building a rocket ship.  In order to do so, you'd have to develop certain knowledge and skills to build that kind of transport. Once completed, you'd need a largely different set of skills and knowledge - that of piloting that ship to the moon. After you've landed, you'd then need to become someone who could build and maintain a habitat on the moon.  Note that the practices that you must have at each stage is, to a large degree, different from the practices you needed before you got to the next stage towards our goal, and then actually existing in your goal state is largely different from existing in...

I recently had a good conversation with someone in an AREI Zoom Room video conference where they expressed their concern with affirmations in general, describing it as a "fake it until you make it" process that they couldn't get behind.  If that is how one sees affirmations and intentions, I agree it isn't a good thing to do because one feels like they are lying to themselves.  That's never a good foundation for anything. There is a different way of looking at affirmations and intentions, though, that might lay a better foundation and resonate more positively with some of us seeking to regain a fulfilling, joyful relationship with someone who has crossed over.  As readers here may know, I think of affirmations and intentions as words, thoughts, feelings and mental imagery that tunes me into the frequency of experience I wish to acquire.  In other words, I don't see such tools as "faking it until I make it" or as lying to myself, because I don't...

It was nice today to be able to get back in my routine.  Early this morning I was enjoying a smoke on my back porch and having a discussion with Irene, a continuation of the "what is the nature of reality" conversation that we have been having and which we discussed a lot while I was down at Gerra's.  This morning I told some extra confirmation would be appreciated even though it had already been confirmed several times, especially through that television show Awake. A Jehova's Witness minister and his wife, who come by here about once a month, came by and after we sat in the living room and he spoke a while, his wife started talking about faith, and what the Biblical definition of faith was.  She read Hebrews 11:1, which says (in their version): Faith is the assured expectation of what is hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities that are not seen.   This exactly represents what I've been working on for weeks now, a perfect confirmation of how I see ...

I remember when I was about five or six, before I was even in grade school, I could tap into what felt to me at the time was a particular sensation and time would seem to slow down.  I remember playing kick ball and dodge ball, I could - even then - "tune in" to this sensation and everything would be moving as if in slow motion to me and nobody could hit me with the ball because I could easily dodge it while I was in that different sense of the passing of time. I also remember after I started going to school we were having timed races to see who could run the fastest from one point to the other.  It might have been ten or twenty yards.  Somehow I knew I was able to tune in, right then, to some kind of sensation that had to do with running fast.  As the race started I clicked in to a strange running mode and I felt like the flash or something - it was surreal.  About halfway through the run I was going faster than I had the coordination to manage and I tripped,...

Yesterday's meditations were amazing in that they felt so deep and gave me such a buzzed, "leaving my body" sensation.  This morning I guess the weather pressure has changed because I don't feel brain fried - I feel great!  It's just crazy how different one day can feel from the next even though nothing has changed with regards to what I know and what my views are. This morning irene let me know that some of what I feel doesn't start with me - that she gets to missing me as well in the same way - I'm not "with her" in a tangible sense, even if she can sense me and see me better than I can see her.  Some of the time I'm feeling her missing me.  I realize that even if we were both in the physical and I could talk to her or even video chat, I'd still miss her terribly, which makes me wonder if even being able to visit her tangibly in the astral would put an end to all such feelings.  I suppose it would depend on how often I could do it a...

Memory is also a great example of the tuning process I was talking about yesterday. Usually you can tune in with a simple intention, but sometimes it takes a while to find the memory you want.  Do you have any idea how you are sorting through neurons and brain cell pathways to "find" the memory - if, indeed, the brain is even where they are stored? No, you just focus, the best you can, on what memory you want.  When you don't know what the memory is, you're focusing on something else - like a sensation in your mind. This goes back to the exercise in the video I wrote about here that set this whole chain of events in motion, where he said to stare at your finger before you bend it at try to notice the sensation of "intending". I know exactly what that sensation is - I have it when I'm thinking about "what I should do" or write or draw or how to contact Irene; I can feel myself attempting to tune into a frequency where those things or the path ...

I walked the dogs earlier and while outside I got to thinking about some of the AREI information and how it corresponded to some things I had been thinking about; about how I needed to learn to beef up my ability to trust, have faith, and use my intuition.  This is something Irene kept trying to tell me our entire time together here, and something we experienced over and over - to pray, intend, and affirm, but then to trust that the things that unfolded for us were leading us where we wanted to go even though it may not seem like it. Our role in the unfolding is simply to walk down the path as it does so, not to try to make things happen the way we think they ought, or to try to hurry it up - no matter how impatient we may be. One of my issues has always been over-thinking things - as I've talked about in the past in this blog.  I think it's probably pretty hard for Irene or my spirit guides to put images or thoughts in my head when I keep it occupied all the time. I realize...

I feel like I ought to explain a little about the "alternate reality" and "reality creation" stuff I've started talking about.  Sometimes I forget to provide enough context for people I don't know to make sense of what I'm saying or writing about. I have a couple of philosophy books - Anarchic Harmony and Unconditional Freedom - that were published in the mid-90's, both of which are out of print now.  In those books I described breaking out of socially-constructed thoughts and beliefs and living fearlessly from your own perspective and how I believed the world around you would move itself around to accommodate you. Well before I wrote those books, and before the car accident that should have killed us all (but which we stepped out of with very minor injuries), Irene and I were driving through the small country town we had met in on our way to the city for something and she suddenly told me to stop and back up.  I backed up and we were in front o...

I got up this morning and continued reading a book on my iPad called Across The Unknown by Stewart Edward White, who also wrote The Betty Book .  While I've been reading The Betty Book recently, I just got the urge to read some more of this book.  I've only read a handful of pages this morning yet the book has given me several important confirmations in the span of about 10 minutes of reading. The first was about imagination, where the spirits talk about imagination being the doorway to greater reality.  It's the one thing we possess consciously that connects us to the substance of the next world.  They then say they will hunt for a word that is more respectable since we all dismiss imagination as a frivolous and meaningless commodity when it comes to doing real things. That is exactly what I've been doing in using the word envisioning.  As I've written, there are different kinds of mental experience that cannot all be summed up as either "imaginary...

Today is going really well.  I'm feel pretty good and feel like I've got some things sorted out, which I want to list here to be able to look back on and read at later dates.  When I woke up I started telling myself the following: 1. Irene is fine - strong, safe, perfectly healthy and actively helping us from the afterlife.  We already won this life and we're halfway home now.  She is with you constantly and working to help you.  Have faith and trust in that. 2. Eventually, one way or another, you will be with her totally.  Be patient and strong. You might be able to astral project and visit her before you die; you might not. Either way, it won't be that long. 3. The most important thing to do is to establish your intentions and empower them with affirmations.  That is 99% of the work that needs to be done. 4. Pray every day - once in the morning, and then additionally as you feel so inclined. 5. Meditate as you feel inclined; you will feel i...

Yesterday was a really good day - especially considering the day I had before.  I had really thought those kinds of grief attacks were a thing of the past.  I know I've got grief in me - I can feel it in my heart and throat at certain times every day. It's not like I've been trying to suppress it; it just flashes for a second or two, then subsides. Yesterday I had firmly in my mind what Irene said about overthinking everything, and assuming too much personal responsibility in trying to astral project and get to her.  I stopped thinking that outcomes to my efforts were in my hands - that I could figure them out or even help or hinder them. All I'm supposed to do is what is in front of me to do, and whatever I've signed up for here will unfold.  I set my intentions, say my affirmations and let it go, do what is in front of me and let go of everything else. As yesterday progressed I continued praying/affirming walking around with my hands on my chest and praying ou...

I had to drive into town again this morning. I really dislike having my routine interrupted but we (Irene and I) had a fun trip in and back. Later I was reading in the Facebook Grief Support Group about “moving on” and “finding a friend with benefits” or another life-partner. I thought it would be funny to reply something like “Well, Irene would haunt and harass the heck out of anyone that tried to get their hands on her man, so that wouldn’t be a good idea for me.” I didn’t, but it reminded me that Irene always said she was possessive , not jealous – you can only be jealous of what you don’t already have, and she already had me. I joked with her that you’re not supposed to be possessive in heaven and immediately thought about her saying “You just try it.” We both had a big laugh. That started this whole conversation I was going on with Irene about how ridiculous that would be – how miserable anything like another relationship would make me, how I’m extremely happy to be alone ...

Woke up feeling great! Feel totally connected and in love with Irene and very, very confidant about what we’re doing.  Had a great session this morning. During the day my feelings moved towards “normal”, which was fine.  I noticed it has been difficult getting wifi on my Ipad lately.  I was in the living room to meditate but had started trying to get on the internet instead when it just wouldn’t connect. It seemed that something was telling me to go on and meditate. I had a very interesting experience while meditating. The sensation of “accomplishing something” has been increasing with my new combination of intense personal connection affirmations with Irene, manifesting myself in the spirit world with Irene affirmation, and my use of the terms “we are focused, we are strong, we have the energy of God in us, we are deeply, intimately connected” etc., after about 30 minutes I am so deep and so comfortable and feeling so good I feel like I could stay there for days...

Weird day. Felt disconnected, neutral, had a long discussion about whether or not I liked it, what to do about it.  Wrote Irene another note.  I got up early – 3:00 am to make the kids some breakfast before they headed out to Colorado to see Helen, Chuck and John. Sessions have been good. I need to get some memes about doing the work and being good with average days and normal days and to let things happen without panicking or feeling weird.  Got to feeling bad later, wished I hadn’t gotten weird about feeling disconnected or neutral.   Realized later I need to stop trying to figure these things out and have faith and go forward in trust, faith and love. I’m incapable of figuring out how this is going to work, all I can do is do what resonates with me when I am led to information about how to proceed.  God can make me feel any way at any time, and god can open the way between Irene and I at any time.  Some things just take time and I need to trus...

Had a good session in the morning.  Later after Gerra and Jace left, started feeling like I was sinking (it is a bit of a pattern) so I meditated a while and stopped it.  The rest of the day was normal to manageable. Towards the evening I was thinking about how much of a commitment I was going to make towards meditating and what my actual goal was – to actually reach Irene, or to make my existence here enjoyable and functional while I am here - meaning that while I might not actually be able to leave my body and join her in spirit/astral and interact with her there, I could at least keep our connection high, allowing me to get through the rest of this life as happily as possible. I fell asleep thinking about this.

Woke up feeling “normal”.  Talked to Irene like normal. Did normal things. Experienced a very sweet, warm sensation of love from her.  I remind myself that “normal” is okay, it’s good, it’s how we spent most of our time together – in a state of “normal” – feeling comforted by each other’s presence, being able to do daily things like work and household chores, then when we needed or wanted spike up into a more intense exchange of that love/intimacy in various ways.  This morning I feel very confident, very much in love with her, very strong that she is always here with me.  It’s really amazing and wonderful.  I understand I have to set my rational, analytical mind aside and just exist in faith, love, and the knowing I have that she is actually in me, a part of me. I have to make a note – I just went into the kitchen and was making more coffee when Irene gave me such a warm, loving, euphoric sense of union with her that it was unbelievable.  She’s telli...

I woke up feeling pretty good.  Working on accepting the “normal” feeling, and being more accepting of my mental projections of Irene, even though it’s not of the same quality as my other experiences which seem to be much more real.  I’m trying to understand some of these emotions I experience as love for Irene and not pain, and that “missing her” sensation is an expression of my love for her and not something I want to avoid, but embrace and experience in a positive way.  I have to pray daily, sometimes several times a day, for strength, grace, comfort and understanding.  I had a really good session before Wheel of Fortune (which I always watch with her) where I was able to create a framework of understanding about our relationship. There is the daily, “normal” interaction where I don’t usually have as pronounced a sense of connection, but I still talk to her as if she’s with me and envision her at times with me.  This needs to be an entirely “no pressure”...