Love After Life

I got up this morning and continued reading a book on my iPad called Across The Unknown by Stewart Edward White, who also wrote The Betty Book .  While I've been reading The Betty Book recently, I just got the urge to read some more of this book.  I've only read a handful of pages this morning yet the book has given me several important confirmations in the span of about 10 minutes of reading. The first was about imagination, where the spirits talk about imagination being the doorway to greater reality.  It's the one thing we possess consciously that connects us to the substance of the next world.  They then say they will hunt for a word that is more respectable since we all dismiss imagination as a frivolous and meaningless commodity when it comes to doing real things. That is exactly what I've been doing in using the word envisioning.  As I've written, there are different kinds of mental experience that cannot all be summed up as either "imaginary...

In my July 15 blog post , I talked about getting a confirmation that Irene and I were creative designers of clothes and outfits (among other things) in the afterlife. Yesterday, 2 weeks later,  I saw an interesting link in my Facebook scroll about designing your own clothes and other items via an online shop called Vida .  Now, I've put some of my graphic designs on t-shirts and tried to sell them through online shps like Cafe Press and Zazzle, but that was completely unfulfilling because of the small box area on the shirts they allow for the design. At Vida, you get to do the art design for the entire piece of clothing - exactly what I was envisioning a couple of weeks ago. I set up a shop in a few minutes with a few designs I already had. It's amazing that now, shortly after it coming to me and it being confirmed, I actually have a shop online where I can do exactly what I had envisioned (albeit with a limited set of clothing pieces) without any expense to me whatsoever. ...

Today is going really well.  I'm feel pretty good and feel like I've got some things sorted out, which I want to list here to be able to look back on and read at later dates.  When I woke up I started telling myself the following: 1. Irene is fine - strong, safe, perfectly healthy and actively helping us from the afterlife.  We already won this life and we're halfway home now.  She is with you constantly and working to help you.  Have faith and trust in that. 2. Eventually, one way or another, you will be with her totally.  Be patient and strong. You might be able to astral project and visit her before you die; you might not. Either way, it won't be that long. 3. The most important thing to do is to establish your intentions and empower them with affirmations.  That is 99% of the work that needs to be done. 4. Pray every day - once in the morning, and then additionally as you feel so inclined. 5. Meditate as you feel inclined; you will feel i...

Just after I posted yesterday's entry, I turn on the TV to watch something while I eat my yogurt and decide to go to YouTube. After I watch a political video, I notice a video on my home tab from from Ryan Cropper about "raising your vibration".  I decide to play it and the first thing he talks about is removing emotional blockages to raise your vibrational level.  Unbelievable confirmation.  Exactly what I've been doing the past couple of days. Yesterday and the day before I had very deep meditations.   I did not want to come out of them they were so peaceful - like being in a womb. My "spirit counseling" technique on how to deal with and get rid of grief and guilt triggers still seems to be working.  My sense of panic or nervousness when my schedule gets interrupted and others are around has almost been non-existent lately - I had family over all afternoon and evening.  I didn't have that gagging feeling yesterday, but I would think there are stil...

I spent 8 hours out of the house yesterday visiting family and friends in town.  After getting home I spent some time going through what I'll call a spirit counseling session where I identify thoughts that are causing me pain and then talking through them with Irene and the rest of my spirit team, telling them what I'm experiencing and repeating over and over whatever it is that causes me pain. I realized that I do have actual guilt that I feel when I don't spend every second of every day "being productive" in either working at my job or working on accessing Irene and the astral world.  I identified that I feel like I'm letting her down when I'm not doing "everything humanly possible" to connect with her.  Of course, that guilt is nonsense - Irene absolutely wanted me to do what I did yesterday.  It was all perfectly set up for me to do and I felt entirely that it was what I should do.  Still, I felt guilty later. Working through the exercise...

Yesterday was a really good day - especially considering the day I had before.  I had really thought those kinds of grief attacks were a thing of the past.  I know I've got grief in me - I can feel it in my heart and throat at certain times every day. It's not like I've been trying to suppress it; it just flashes for a second or two, then subsides. Yesterday I had firmly in my mind what Irene said about overthinking everything, and assuming too much personal responsibility in trying to astral project and get to her.  I stopped thinking that outcomes to my efforts were in my hands - that I could figure them out or even help or hinder them. All I'm supposed to do is what is in front of me to do, and whatever I've signed up for here will unfold.  I set my intentions, say my affirmations and let it go, do what is in front of me and let go of everything else. As yesterday progressed I continued praying/affirming walking around with my hands on my chest and praying ou...

A week or so ago I moved everything of any kind of value downstairs - so I could stop air-conditioning it - since I never have a reason to go up there anymore and none of the kids ever spend the night up there There's plenty of room downstairs. I moved the stereo into my office and set it up this morning so Irene and I could listen to her country oldies at noon. I turned it on to make sure everything worked and put it on her station to see if the remote worked while I sat at my desk. After I got everything working I asked Irene to play the next song, and it was one I never heard before by Kane Brown, "What Ifs", and the chorus lyrics jumped all over me: "What if I was made for you and you were made for me, what if this is it, what if it's meant to be..."   Irene always told me that God made me just for her and that we were meant to be - she said that exactly, so many times I can't count. She even wrote it down in her journal after we met. I can alway...

7:00 a.m. I fell asleep last night talking to Irene.  I love being in that dreamy state, still semi-conscious ... it lets me feel much more connected to her.  We continued the conversation this morning and I realized I was placing far too big a burden on myself - as she always says, overthinking things.   During the course of our relationship here, I learned that things worked out best when I stopped myself from trying to figure things out and simply went forward with her intuitions and "knowing".  Whether or not I believed something could happen, simply not getting in the way and not refusing to go along, not trying to talk her out of something, always worked out great. Eventually we got to the place where I could actively do my part in facilitating her intuitions and just trust what she felt. For instance, I never thought we'd be able to buy a home, and certainly not this particular, ridiculously large older home with 11' ceilings. Yet, I went through all the ...

8:00 a.m. So, after writing up this whole post about how I'm going to refine my technique and set up a schedule, I just did a visualization meditation where I visualize interacting with Irene and she let me know I'm overthinking it again.  I'm always trying to fix things that aren't really broken, always trying to improve things that are really working just fine.  Just let go of expectations and do what feels right. 3:00 pm. I think the summer heat and humidity is really doing a number on me - it does every year.  I am really messed up today. I've been battling fear and doubt and confusion all day long.  I don't understand these emotions or where they come from.  I'm thinking all sorts of things that have never even entered my mind before - negative and hurtful things.  I've already meditated sitting and lying down several times just to try and get a handle on it.  It's weird because it's nowhere near as hot today outside - I should be better...

One of the things about posting to this blog live is that I'm going to be posting a lot of stuff that occurs to me as it happens, instead of waiting until a later even brings it into focus and then writing about what happened before. I was just in the kitchen cooking some food and having a conversation with my spirit team about how hard it is, in a physical life, to really incorporate the spiritual and make it an integral part of our lives when most of our experience of the spiritual cannot even remotely compete with the ongoing, relentless onslaught of physical experience and concerns.  It's incredibly easy to get distracted by the physical and to get so caught up in it that you might go years without giving the spiritual anything more than a cursory thought. The effort towards integrating spirit into our lives is difficult. I have it better than most simply because I live alone and work from home so I can set my own schedule and talk freely to the other side all day long....

I had a couple of really good, deep meditations last evening after I took an antihistamine.  I've never really noticed, or rather I've put up with, very minor allergy symptoms, but as I've been meditating lately those symptoms have become really distracting.  I noticed quite a difference last night, especially when I was lying down doing the astral projection technique which I got through without any drainage or a constant need to swallow. Even without any major experiences, I believe the meditation has helped me tremendously.  After I wrote last night's blog entry - a letter to Irene - I meditated first in a sitting position on the couch for about 30 minutes, then in bed for however long it took me to fall asleep.  Meditation gives me a sense of peace and connection.  There are times during the day that I feel the need to meditate and after doing so I feel very much at peace. It's also gotten easier physically - my feet and legs don't go numb as quickly and I...

Irene, There are times when I get pretty sad. Now is one of those times - I'm sure you know.  I think what makes me the most sad is that I miss "us" - the two of us together, who we are together, who we are to other people when we are together.  I know we are still together, but I miss others interacting with you.  You always have a way of making pleasant conversation, making smart-aleck comments, laughing and saying what other people try to stop themselves from saying.  I miss holding your hand and sitting beside you.  I miss doing things for you, like opening the door of the car or getting you a drink or buying you something silly or fun when we go to a store.  I miss our little glances and and knowing grins.  I miss your voice so much. I'm doing all I can, baby, to find my way to you, to bring us closer.  Every day, it's my mission in life to be able to see you, feel you, and hear you.  For the most part, I'm good and getting better, b...

Good Morning! The blog is all caught up now.  From now on no back-dating - it's all in real time, so there may be several posts a day as I get time to write.  This will serve as my ongoing journal. This morning I did my usual routine of prayer and meditation, but frankly the meditation wasn't very deep - not near as deep as it has been.  I feel like my schedule has been kind of messed up lately and I've been knocked out of my pattern. The good news is that I'm handling it really well.  A few weeks ago I would have been a mess and would have felt awful.  More and more each day I'm feeling "normal".  Even when something hits me and I start crying, I know it will stop and I'll feel fine again.  It doesn't mean I don't miss Irene or love her as much, it just means we're finding that confident balance in our new relationship where I'm not always needing her to prop me up or assure me. I don't want to be that guy.  

It's been a really busy day. I had to drive back into town to get some errands done.  That and the unrelenting heat outside have frayed my attention and willpower today.  I did my morning sessions and an afternoon astral projection session lying down where I took an antihistamine and it was good. I keep feeling like there's an electric body I'm trying to "give birth" to, like I'm trying to get out of my physical body. It's a pleasant but weird feeling. I posted a new message in the Afterlife group where I referenced something I wrote on another blog last year - I'm going to quote here the relevant part: Each of us experience ourselves as a seat of consciousness with direct, top-down, intentional, prescriptive control (to varying degrees) over the behaviors of many elements of our bodies and thinking processes. We don’t know how to make various cellular or chemical reactions occur that are necessary for motion and thought. Somehow, without any t...

I had to drive into town again this morning. I really dislike having my routine interrupted but we (Irene and I) had a fun trip in and back. Later I was reading in the Facebook Grief Support Group about “moving on” and “finding a friend with benefits” or another life-partner. I thought it would be funny to reply something like “Well, Irene would haunt and harass the heck out of anyone that tried to get their hands on her man, so that wouldn’t be a good idea for me.” I didn’t, but it reminded me that Irene always said she was possessive , not jealous – you can only be jealous of what you don’t already have, and she already had me. I joked with her that you’re not supposed to be possessive in heaven and immediately thought about her saying “You just try it.” We both had a big laugh. That started this whole conversation I was going on with Irene about how ridiculous that would be – how miserable anything like another relationship would make me, how I’m extremely happy to be alone ...

Busy day of running errands, visitors, phone calls, etc.  Got in my full prayer session, 1 meditation and attempted astral travel when I went to bed.  A quiet day overall, but I’m impressed with my ability to get through a day like this without a descent into grief, although I did have some sadness.  Due to a conversation with a good friend who has been reading the blog I decided to go back and fill in the signs and messages that I have left out.  I haven’t felt any real pull against it and he said he liked reading about them.  He suffered the loss of a child a few years ago, and he and Irene were good friends and I know her passing hit him hard too.  Anyway, not filling in those events was just a precaution at the time because of something I read about those things supposedly being private, but I think they might do some good if others read about them. During the day a couple of ministers came by and left some materials, and one remarked about the...

I had a rather exciting experience this morning.  Last night on YouTube I found some videos on "easy", basic ways to astral project that were different from how I normally meditate - they advocated certain techniques that started with lying down. My old Sant Mat training always said it wasn't a good idea to lie down because you'd probably fall asleep. Anyway, I decided to give the techniques a try; one was all about doing it at the time you normally go to sleep; another was about doing it at a time when you were well rested. Since I saw the videos just before bedtime I tried the bedtime technique out. I prayed my usual protection prayers before doing anything that might involve me leaving my body or experiencing spiritual phenomena. Apparently I fell asleep, because at one point I found myself awake - fully conscious - and I was looking at something happening in front of me. It was like a "shadow show" in light projected in a big circle on the ceiling...

I feel weirdly disconnected this morning. Had a kind of “blah” meditation (good prayer session, though), decided to drive into town and get some chores done (shopping, bank), talked to Irene during the trip. Got back and still felt blah, took a nap, felt better when I woke up, had a good meditation, but got back to feeling disconnected but in a kind of “normal” way. Got to feeling a little worse, totally blah, had a bout of sadness, got to wanting to be able to astral travel already to visit Irene.  I searched YouTube and found a few videos about some supposed “easy” way to start astral projection. Watched them and they actually made sense and resonated. I’m going to start incorporating some astral travel exercises into my daily routine.   Totally weird --- I was joking with Irene that I should get a Russian mail order bride, but maybe instead that she should learn to talk with a Russian accent for when I visit her in the astral world – then a few minutes later this ...

I had four meditation sessions yesterday, they all went great! Bought another digital book, “ The Realities of Heaven : Fifty Spirits Describe Your Future Home” by Miles Allen. I’m getting really good information that resonates and I think will help greatly with my attachment problems with Irene’s things and certain memories. I also think I’m getting addicted to meditating! I love it! in my 2nd meditation this morning I felt like I was trying to give birth to my astral or spirit form. Literally, about 30 minutes of me feeling like I was both pushing and pulling in an attempt to free myself from my body – a very energetic feeling, like I was working with energy. It left me almost dizzy it felt so good. So a couple of books I’ve read now say pretty much the same thing; that we can fully and completely relive any memory of our lives here on earth, and we can remember them with others if we wish. This is a full, 3D experience; and we can also explore alternative scenarios, thing...

My meditations are really getting deep and good.  I mean, really good.  There is this indescribable sensation now that I get regularly … it’s like a hum my whole body feels that is peaceful, but centered in my head.  I enjoy it a lot, making it easy to meditate often.  I’m finding it easier to quiet my mind quickly because I know this sensation awaits. There’s also a kind of anticipatory building sensation, as if the hum is building towards something really, really good.  This morning Irene was in my dream, but I forgot what it was about and what she was doing. I know it was only for a second, though. I was reading the Zammit Afterlife forum and in it there was some talk about how much the afterlife resembled life here – houses, gardens, etc., and I remembered another source saying there were jobs, industry , etc. Then I noticed there was an ad in my news stream for dresses and one dress was really great so I got excited and told Irene to look and clicked o...

I put yesterday’s post about the coffee in the grief support group and got a very heartwarming response, but for whatever reason I got into a strange, negative mood – some sadness but mostly just this weird confusion and overall unhappiness, even some anger at still having to deal with this world. Did my full session routine yesterday and even added an extra meditation. Got up this morning feeling better, had a good morning meditation, and felt back to a good, happy/normal place.  Got to feeling absolutely great and had a great noon meditation and prayer. I was laughing and talking with my "spirit team" and we were having a great time. Then the breaker for the upstairs ACs went out – apparently the socket up there shorted out and the breaker wouldn’t kick back on. Robert said he could replace it and I decided to stop air conditioning the 2nd floor because nobody uses it, so I brought down everything I didn’t want to get heat damaged. Then a wave of “forlorn longing” of...

Every single day after my wife passed on April 11 of this year, I've made her coffee the way she likes it as usual and set it on the coffee table where I used to, and I sit where I have always, next to her - where I believe she sits, with me. At the end of the day, when I go to take her cup, there has been a white drawing in her coffee - the same drawing every single day up until about 5 days ago.  I posted a picture and made a note of in on my Facebook account on June 11, I think About 5 days ago I told her that if she didn't want me to make her coffee anymore, stop drawing in it. I think somewhere in my mind I had subconsciously attributed the drawing to natural causes, because it was the same drawing every day. It looked like a blooming flower to me. I didn't for a moment think it would stop. At the end of the day, there was no drawing. Nothing. Just a cup of coffee. My jaw dropped and I instantly realized that I didn't for a second seriously think the phenomena...

It's been a busy couple of days.  The kids got in at 2:00 am yesterday morning from their Colorado trip. I tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t.  I got lots of work done both for work and for this blog.  I knew it was going to be a challenge because they were going to be here most of the day yesterday and today Gerra & Jace will be here and we went into town to court to finish up the adult adoption. I wasn’t able to talk openly to Irene or my spirit team and I had decided not to bring Irene up in order to see how I would weather it.  Lately I’ve been feeling that what she and I are personally trying to accomplish is something best kept to ourselves unless asked and put on the blog for those who are interested or shared in interested groups.  I don’t want to “force” what we are doing or my methods on the family or anyone else.  That’s an old Sant Mat perspective – if others are interested, then speak; otherwise, let life go on here as normal. ...

What a great morning!  I did morning prayers, then worked some, took care of the pets and then had a great meditation with Irene. I was posting some of these entries into the blog this morning and realized that a whole month ago I had already discovered that I should meditate and affirm with “we” and “us”, that it is something we do better and are more effective when we do it together, and it had been validated twice that day … and then somehow over the course of events I totally forgot! Unbelievable. I realize I do need to read back over my journal entries to refresh my memory about what has happened and what I’ve already learned .  It seems my mind works to keep these things from me – I guess to try to maintain my “status quo” of being involved in physical world activities. It’s a cognitive bias that seems to disallow or push aside anything that challenges or changes the way things are in my mind, current patterns and habits. Reading back I am struck by the remarkab...

Had an amazing session this morning.  Before I meditated, I received 3 messages from Irene that we are in total agreement about my meditating as if we are doing it together, using terms like “we” and “us”.  Throughout our time together here Irene would always say that as long as she and I were in sync and on the same page, we could do anything and create anything.  We talked about it several times, about how everything (including us) changed when we got together, and how many things happened like magic for us as long as we in harmony. Last night I wondered what we could have accomplished had we actually prayed and made our affirmations together - out loud, as we are doing now. This morning, when I start my meditation affirmations it is in a dual voice in my head – I could “hear” her voice in perfect unison with mine.  I noticed that there was a new affirmation that wasn’t part of my usual affirmation list and felt it was something she was adding to the sessi...

Woke up feeling great! Feel totally connected and in love with Irene and very, very confidant about what we’re doing.  Had a great session this morning. During the day my feelings moved towards “normal”, which was fine.  I noticed it has been difficult getting wifi on my Ipad lately.  I was in the living room to meditate but had started trying to get on the internet instead when it just wouldn’t connect. It seemed that something was telling me to go on and meditate. I had a very interesting experience while meditating. The sensation of “accomplishing something” has been increasing with my new combination of intense personal connection affirmations with Irene, manifesting myself in the spirit world with Irene affirmation, and my use of the terms “we are focused, we are strong, we have the energy of God in us, we are deeply, intimately connected” etc., after about 30 minutes I am so deep and so comfortable and feeling so good I feel like I could stay there for days...

Weird day. Felt disconnected, neutral, had a long discussion about whether or not I liked it, what to do about it.  Wrote Irene another note.  I got up early – 3:00 am to make the kids some breakfast before they headed out to Colorado to see Helen, Chuck and John. Sessions have been good. I need to get some memes about doing the work and being good with average days and normal days and to let things happen without panicking or feeling weird.  Got to feeling bad later, wished I hadn’t gotten weird about feeling disconnected or neutral.   Realized later I need to stop trying to figure these things out and have faith and go forward in trust, faith and love. I’m incapable of figuring out how this is going to work, all I can do is do what resonates with me when I am led to information about how to proceed.  God can make me feel any way at any time, and god can open the way between Irene and I at any time.  Some things just take time and I need to trus...

Yesterday was amazing in many ways just because I felt normal to really good all day long, even though I drove to town twice, had people in the house the entire day, and only got to do one real session.  I didn’t feel any panic or pain – I only felt a comfortable and comforting arrangement with Irene and my spirit crew where I realized that some days I were going to be like that and it was okay to focus on the physical during those times. It doesn’t mean care about her less; it doesn’t mean I’m less interested in pursuing our new direction; it doesn’t mean that I am less motivated to meditate myself towards better clarity with her; it doesn’t mean we are moving apart. It just means that our relationship is adjusting, moving away from my desperate, panic- and pain-filled need for her towards a healthier, more fulfilling, confident and joyful dynamic that must include my participation in the physical world while I am here. I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s some ...